InsaneJournal

Current mood:

contemplative

She's looking for the answers...
How did I manage to go an entire month without updating this thing? Back now, though. Anyway...

Just a little thought dump that's been building for a while.

I realize that I apologize too much. I have tried to change this, and I really have been much better about it. I know that saying something so often means it loses its value a little. I hate it, but it's true and I acknowledge that. However, I don't feel that gives someone the right to tag my apologies as meaningless. It really hurts, especially when all I'm doing is expressing my sympathy. "He dumped me." "I'm sorry..." "Whatever, Maggie. Stop." (Actual conversation) I mean, is it really that offensive? Did I really kill the sentiment that much during high school that now, after a conscious (and successful, in my opinion) effort to grow up a bit and fix it, I'm still not allowed to say it?

I haven't heard "It's alright," "It's okay," or "You're forgiven," as a response in a very long time. Maybe there's a reason for that. I always just get "Not your fault." Or, if they're in enough of a bad mood, I get snapped at. And, I'm talking about legitimate apologies. I say something out of line, I get called on it... so I apologize. Just an "I really shouldn't have gone that far. I'm really sorry." Simple, right? ... Come on, people, I'm trying here.

What needs to happen? I don't want to be the kind of person who takes this too far to the other extreme, who never takes responsibility for anything, even when they're clearly at fault.

Useless thought dump, I realize, but sometimes... you just have to get things out. I really do have a long road ahead of me, I guess, when it comes to fixing things.